Getting in the Way of My Healthy Self

So I’ve had a lot of success these past few months. And you would think I would just love it and now that I actually have time (or am able) to work out that the momentum would just carry me through to success. But for some odd reason I’m self sabotaging myself. Not making the right choices (eating out and eating poorly) and also being too lazy to work out.

Why is it that once you start having success that you start sabotaging yourself. Right now none of my pants are fitting – they are either too big or too small! Now with my dress pants I have remedied the situation but with my jeans I’m need to lose 5 more pounds to lose the muffin top look on my older jeans (well at least 5 more pounds) which I’m holding out on. So I’m wearing my other few pairs of jeans that are too big so I’m constantly having to hike them up and actually the bunching in my waist in not the most flattering look! So it is not like I’ve reached where I want to be, it is not even like I’m 100% in love with what I see in the mirror. I need to look at why – why am I not being successful.

I think one of my biggest obstacles to myself is that I’m not disciplined enough. I totally feel like I deserve things. “I worked hard, ate well, etc so therefore I deserve a treat”. I need to keep in mind small steps that will get me moving in the direction I want to go – which is a healthy life. I need to start thinking about whether my decisions fit in with my picture of “my healthy self”.

Well I guess a step in the process should be then  What does “my healthy self” look like? She is someone who weighs a healthy weight, a weight that is comfortable that still allows some flexibility in terms of food, she is someone who doesn’t have a problem getting in her 5-10 servings of fruit and veggies, she eats mostly unprocessed foods, she works out, mostly outside or in the pool, does triathlons, she is strong and toned, spends as much time outside as possible, she has a healthy relationship with food, she eats intuitively.

So what do I need to focus on to get me to that version of myself. First off I need to focus on being 80-90% good instead of 50%. In school anything less than an 85% was unheard of and unacceptable, so why in my life should it be any different? I need to get back to weekly menu planning and to planning my eats the day before. Weight Watchers has a new tracker actually that has 2 pages per day so it gives me no excuse – perfect for planning! Also I have 2 races coming up – 5k and Duathlon (2k run, 20k bike, 5k run) so HELLO SELF do you want to do well in these events? I especially do not want to crawl over the finish in last at the Duathlon! So I need to step up my game. Starting Monday I have 8 weeks until the duathlon, I’ve come up with a training plan to get me across that finish line with a smile (and hopefully less weight on me).

Another thing I need to do is keep myself more accountable. I realize that this blog (and my previous) doesn’t talk about the lows as much as it talks about the highs of the process and really I need to be more honest with myself and not just in my head. I keep this blog b/c I like the ability to look back at where I was so really I’m only showing 1 side of the story here!

Anyways, last night I went to bed with the promise to myself that I’m putting “my healthy self” first. And today at lunch when I really wanted to cave and get Chinese with the rest, I didn’t. I ate my roasted vegetable soup and taboulleh (both homemade). Baby steps.